December 11, 2015

Doubting Teacher

Maybe it's because of all the December assessments...
Or maybe it's because I shouldn't have clicked on that education-bashing article getting shared on Facebook...
Or maybe it's because I can't seem to get these papers graded, this closet organized, those two kiddos to get along, or that one to finish a writing project...
Or maybe I've read too many blogs or seen too many Instagram posts written by those "perfect" teachers...

Whatever "It" is, it's causing self-doubt.

Do you struggle with this? This week I really started to notice just how much I doubt myself at work. I pour over data and checklists and spreadsheets. I feel relief to see numbers going up and dismay and bewilderment when they go down. 

I just reread that last sentence. I don't even feel pride or excitement to see numbers going up, but relief. That doesn't seem right, does it?

Day after day, I talk to myself in a way that might at first be reflective, but in the end plants seeds of self-doubt and worry. 

Did I challenge those kids?
Did I support them enough?
Does she really get it?
Shouldn't I be able to get them to think and respond more deeply? 
Do they look forward to coming to school?
How did I miss that?  
Did I come down too hard on her?
Did we smile, share, or laugh enough today?
Am I really an effective teacher? 

Reflection breathes life in to us as professionals. Doubt destroys. So where is the line?

I'm not writing this post because I want someone to pat me on the back and encourage me. In fact, my self-doubt would cause me to not believe you anyways, and besides, I am the only one in my classroom witnessing the days as they pass.

No, I wrote this but to just say, if you're like me, you're not alone.

1 comment:

  1. I doubt myself all the time. That's probably one of the biggest flaws with social media and blogging. Yes, we have this amazing community of teachers that spans across the world, but sometimes reading about all of the great things happening in each other's classrooms can make you feel inadequate. You have to remember that most of the time we only share the good things. For many reasons. Besides, it's December. All of the kids are bouncing off the walls, and most of them have already checked out and gone on break. ;-)

    Don't Let the Teacher Stay Up Late